Fra-Gee-Lay

"That must be Italian!"~Mr. Parker
Image from  http://www.redriderleglamps.com 

I've been feeling a big fragile since I last posted.  I read and reread each comment (even going back several posts) and held on tightly to your words.  Thank you.

Somehow I got it in my mind that I had totally failed my mock cycle.  That perceived failure, plus all the other real failures stacked up behind it, sent me into a tailspin.  Not a great place or time to take that detour.

My second scan was pushed to this morning.  CD2.  Gah.  Anyway, my RE agreed that my lining was thicker than usual but not abnormal.  She did not feel that the hyperplasia had returned since all cycles before this and after the last biopsy were normal.  She said she'd do a biopsy right then and there but I recoiled and told her I didn't think it was necessary.  Really, I was too scared.  Scared to find out what would come back and scared of the pain.  I think I've justified it in my mind now by thinking I am trusting fully in her and the results of the biopsy just a few months ago.  Her parting words to me were also very reassuring.  She said my measurement had gone from 15 to 8 without any shedding or hormones so with CD2 and CD3 it was sure to decrease even more.  I'm taking that as gold and walked out with a "peace of mind" appointment for Thursday.  I'm waiting to hear from my consultant via the Czech clinic if this third scan is necessary.

So, my whole protocol is set but may change based on today's scan.  The time difference is a bump at this point...wishing I would hear sooner rather than later because I am supposed to start estrogen tomorrow.

Work is still incredibly stressful.  Friday was a watershed moment when I realized that I do not have the support I've thought (and been told I had).  It was blatant and it continues this week.  I decided to stop second guessing myself and just accept this is what I have to work with.  The next several days will be hellish but at least I can focus a bit more on the work and stop thinking, "Is what I think is happening actually happening?".

In good news though, my cat (well, not wholly mine, I co-parent him with the neighbors across the street) has fully recovered from surgery due an abscess he got from an injury by another cat.  He had been missing while I was camping and the several days afterwards.  By the time I found him he was septic and almost dead.  He's sitting next to me right now on the couch, head on his pillow and sleeping blissfully.