My most closest friend and coworker is pregnant. Again.
We both started trying around the same time, I was about six months ahead of her and was well versed with temperatures, EWCM, OPKs, Toni Weschler, pre-seed and supplements. When we compared notes I realized she was doing many things wrong. She was at the point of making an appointment to be seen by an RE when I shared what I knew. BAM! BFP!
It was hard for me, but I buried my feelings and was the most supportive friend I could be. I listened to the little complaints, went shopping for clothes, looked at nursery stuff, talked about names, was on the shower planning committee (both at work and in real life) and was there the day her son was born. I've been to his naming ceremony, his first birthday and several events in between.
She had an early mc or chemical in January which I found hard too. How lame is that? I know that four years ago my friends would have said I was a kind, compassionate and caring person. I don't think those words fit me now and it makes me sad.
I am trying to be more available for my friend, to listen more, talk more and be normal. In the meantime I am fully disgusted with myself. Mind you I am perfectly ok with my feelings when it involves someone I don't particularly like or am close to. This friend though, this person who has been so wonderfully supportive, kind and caring towards me, I cannot scrounge up enough happiness for her.
I am going to really work on my behavior with the hope that my feelings will change or evolve. She deserves better.