July 8, 2012

Weekend With An Old Friend

Shortly after I got my BFP in 2011 I went to visit a friend who had herself fought a long and hard IF battle.  She was at the end of a twin pregnancy via DE IVF.  She had kept her DE IVF plans secret, even from me, but had opened up about it during my visit.  I remember being hurt about not being in the loop beforehand but it wasn't an issue any longer and I was glad I got to spend time with her and her husband.  The end of my trip coincided with her being admitted for preeclampsia.  Her twins were born a bit early and by the time they were home I had miscarried and for obvious reasons, our lives were full of very different issues.  

After some well-meaning but insensitive comments on her part I pulled away and stayed away.  It was just easier that way.  There wasn't any way I could find to cope with what was going on with me and be involved with what was going on with her.  It just wasn't possible.  I felt the loss of her in my life acutely but as the months passed and I become less shattered I thought that maybe it was better to just let the friendship go.  

In April of this year she called me and left me a happy birthday message.  I was stunned to hear her voice but was also unsure if too much time had passed to repair the friendship.  Communication back and forth reinforced our deep connection and we both felt that our relationship was too important to let go.

Fast forward to this weekend when I was able to spend some time with her and her husband and girls during their road trip.  We kept the conversation light and I just enjoyed spending time with them and doing some touristy things in my area.  Her children are beautiful and all are relaxed and happy.  

I haven't yet shared my DE IVF plans with her and I'm not sure when I will.  It's not that I am hiding it, it's more that I fear a BFN and don't want to drag others through that again.  I also don't want to have anyone feeling sorry for me at future get togethers and events.  Truthfully, I also fear they if they know, I would be really uncomfortable with my ability to carry on "as normal" in our relationship.  

So, for now I am just happy to have her back in my life.  The rest will fall into place eventually and I'm ok with not knowing exactly what that looks like right now.

In the meantime my friend and workmate knows about my plans and is very supportive.  I also have my DE IVF Abroad consultant who is a great source of information and support, along with the NP at my RE office.  She's been amazingly supportive throughout everything.  

It goes without saying of course, that I have my friends out in blogland, whose support and understanding is phenomenally important and amazing!


  1. Yeah- I can really relate to the having people 'not feel sorry for me' bit. While I feel curiously comfortable telling a few new people about this pregnancy, I cannot tell anybody who knew about my last 2 pregnancies (and the losses) about this current one in case it ends- I can't bear their pity, which would be inevitable. So many of them have kids, and its been so easy for them. I'm sure they would be bewildered as to why its so difficult for me, which is another slap in the face. AAAh--- this madness. So over it already!

  2. I'm definitely here to offer support & understanding. I get not wanting to share too much about your DE IVF, people don't always realize how hurtful their pity can be.

  3. That's great! I'm happy for you that you've reconnected with your friend. I relate to not telling too. I have cut back on telling people when I'm cycling, as well. I'm glad you have some folks who will be there to support you along the way... including us out here in blogland! :)

  4. I'm glad that you reconnected with your friend. I'm sure that later she will understand while you didn't share while living this journey. :-)

  5. I'll bet that you connect on a different level as time progresses. I think this will be good.