I had a conversation tonight with a close relative, someone with whom I have become estranged after a series of hurtful actions on her behalf. All of the situations that resulted in these hurtful actions were connected to my fertility issues and struggle and her lack of empathy and understanding.
Tonight I had to clearly and logically lay out my reasons for not coming over to her house this weekend. I explained that I was not strong enough to be around a 4 month old baby (who lives there), all of the baby items, the pictures, the toys and of course the mother (who is my cousin). I explained I have no ill will towards the baby or mom but that I am in a vulnerable spot and need her understanding while I work through this loss.
After all of that her response was, "What would be so hard about coming over?".
Does she get it? No. However, I did what I had to do to convey my feels and stand up for myself.
It was very freeing to let go of some of the burden I've been feeling about all of this. It doesn't matter that someone else doesn't really understand, doesn't really get it. What matters is that I was true to myself, my experience and my feelings.
On another note, I am looking forward to participating in my very first NaBloPoMo!