March 31, 2011

Standing Up Straight(er)

I had a conversation tonight with a close relative, someone with whom I have become estranged after a series of hurtful actions on her behalf.  All of the situations that resulted in these hurtful actions were connected to my fertility issues and struggle and her lack of empathy and understanding.

Tonight I had to clearly and logically lay out my reasons for not coming over to her house this weekend.  I explained that I was not strong enough to be around a 4 month old baby (who lives there), all of the baby items, the pictures, the toys and of course the mother (who is my cousin).  I explained I have no ill will towards the baby or mom but that I am in a vulnerable spot and need her understanding while I work through this loss.

After all of that her response was, "What would be so hard about coming over?".

Does she get it?  No.  However, I did what I had to do to convey my feels and stand up for myself.

It was very freeing to let go of some of the burden I've been feeling about all of this.  It doesn't matter that someone else doesn't really understand, doesn't really get it.  What matters is that I was true to myself, my experience and my feelings.  

On another note, I am looking forward to participating in my very first NaBloPoMo!


  1. You did s great job of standing up for yourself. Your relative is clearly a couple pins short!

  2. Good for you. I've recently made the decision to start protecting myself more as well. I was making myself 'suck it up' and go to all the baby showers, etc. but I've decided it's ok to just be true to myself, and skip them when it's too hard.

    I don't think anyone can ever fully understand IF unless they've been through it themselves. Don't waste too much energy trying to make her get it..

  3. They'll never get it. I learned that through my journey. It took me awhile to realize that they never get it and I wasted a lot of time trying to help them get it. And, fyi, when you become a mom, non-parents don't get that either! :)

  4. Good for you for standing up for yourself and voicing your feelings. That is SUCH a hard thing to do!

  5. GOOD FOR YOU!!! I have also made a concentrated effort to do this and I am working on not caring about people's responses once I do stand up for myself and my feelings. It is very freeing . . . when I can "get" there. If there is anything I have learned in life it is to cut off toxic relationships (sometimes they are toxic only for the time being and some forever) I hope you are proud of yourself and have found some peace :)